Sometimes you don't realize how long you've been circling the promise.
I jumped into my baking business fulltime in February of this year 2022. What started as a hobby had grown into a side hustle and a dream that consumed my every thought. But let me back up...
About 5 years ago I started to dream again. At that time I was introduced to a book by Mark Batterson titled "the circle maker". I am a Christian. I don't tell you that to push you towards or away from anything. I respect you, whatever your beliefs. But I believe God created us with the ability for imagination. The place where dreams are made. As a child we have vivid imaginations. At some point in adulthood, we often stop dreaming. Perhaps it feels foolish. We get busy. Maybe we had to make choices that made a dream feel far away, disappointing. I had stopped dreaming. I had completed my degree in nursing, married and had our daughter. I was busy doing. My career as a nurse had taken me on a journey from medical units to ICU, to the ER, a nurse educator and then into management. Before I knew it, some 20years had passed. By all definitions, I was successful. While I had enjoyed my career, I had reached a plateau. I was no longer motivated to take it to the next level. I wasn't happy. My marriage was great, I love my husband dearly and we had raised an a amazing daughter. It was my work life that was suffering.
My creative side found freedom in my love for baking and decorating cakes. My daughter, then off to university left me with extra time and I began to question what was next? I had a new dream but my logical brain was busy trying to answer the question of how?? so I stayed in the same place, doing exactly the same things, somehow expecting a different result. We all know what that means.
Then covid hit. An already stressful job became dreadful, Everything felt dreary. I had never before dreaded going to work. It wasn't the people, it was me. I had lost my passion. I was always tired. I had battled symptoms of vertigo, nausea, extreme fatigue for 2 years. In January of 2020 I decided to begin some personal development in the hopes of finding myself again. Enter Mel Robbins, Her work spoke to me. I read her books, did her reset, soaked it all up. Meanwhile i was still feeling angry and frustrated. I had gained weight, was tired all the time. Sleep was poor, I found myself irritable and crying at the thought of how terrible I was feeling and was it ever going to get better? After many attempts to lose weight w/o avail, i went to see a natropath. After a series of apts and testing, I was diagnosed with Hasimotos. Part of me was relieved. I wasn't crazy! But the other part was scared. I didn't want to live a life of chronic disease. Hasimotos is basically when the body attacks the thyroid. and explains all the symptoms I was having. The primary cause is stress. Stress had taken its toll and now I needed to take back control of my life.
A change of pace + a change of place = a change of perspective.
I took a leave from work, focused on my health. I changed my diet, began walking daily and did some serious soul searching. During this time I learned a lot about rest, and the many types. I realized that i was carrying around a lot of things I hadn't dealt with. In management there is an unspoken culture of just do, don't feel. But I felt, a lot. I listened to podcasts, audio books and as my health improved, the quiet smoldering dream of a baking business led way to a burning desire that could no longer be contained. I mean when do we ever ask ourselves what we really want? Forget the how, if we could have anything, what would it be?
Write the vision, make it plain.
Everything I had learned led me to the realization that this was what I really wanted. Its what made me happy. Fear has a nasty way of holding us back. I had a secure job with a salary and a pension. How could I leave that for the unknown? Maybe it wasn't time yet. I let logic take the lead. I was feeling great and it was time to return to my job. I told myself I'd suck it up for 2 more years. Meanwhile, deep inside I felt my soul dying. The next series of events that occurred was God closing doors to push me in the right direction. I had a rough couple of weeks and a very difficult decision. That's a story for another day. All of my learning over the previous couple years had me focusing on goals. I knew my goals and although there were moments that could have distracted and derailed me, I knew that it wouldn't move me closer to my goals. So I made a decision not to give it any energy. With that in mind it became easier to sort through my feelings. I allowed myself 3 days to feel the pain, deal with the anger, but then it was game time.
Respect yourself enough to walk away from something that no longer serves you, grows you or makes you happy.
I knew what I wanted. It was time to jump in. I can't explain the feeling that followed. All fear left and only peace remained. It was like a huge weight was removed from my shoulders. I felt free. Now looking back, I realize the work I started 5 years ago, that I felt wasn't working, was pushing me towards this very moment. I had to learn all those things, to prepare me. The dream that had started as a little idea had grown into a huge God sized dream. I can see it! If you can see it in your head, you can hold it in your hand. Fear has given way to Faith. Faith expressed is creation. What started in my intellect had connected with my emotions in such a way that it must be realized. I had been circling Jericho, and now the walls have fallen. Like how God had promised the Israelites the city. My dream is a promise. It required my own faith to circle even when it didn't seem possible.
I now spend time daily practicing gratitude, writing my big goals, then determining my small steps forward. I'll spend time daily learning and studying. I'm grateful for the lessons I've learned and for the opportunity to pursue my dreams. I'm not there yet but I have huge Faith. It's not about seeing the possible, its about doing the impossible. I have a new definition of success : The progressive realization of a worthy ideal.
The greatest chapters in history began with risk, and the same is true for your life. If you don't take risk, you may miss the miracle. You are only one defining decision away from a totally different life, from seeing the walls come down. I know many of you are like me, Drowning in logic and frozen in fear, I write this to encourage you to find your faith and take your leap. I wish you every success,